PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
