capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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