Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
