Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
