The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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