Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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