So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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