He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
