Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
