they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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