If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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