Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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