My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
