Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
