Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
