yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
