didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
