Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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