imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
