You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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