She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
