do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
