The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
