Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
