Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
