why didn't you poke me back
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
