My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
