i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
false alarm. still invincible.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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