We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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