Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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