Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
