Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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