I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
