cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
