I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
