and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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