WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My ass is underappreciated
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
