When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
