nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
