And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
