Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
