she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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