i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
