Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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