every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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