Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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