My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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