I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
