Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
