got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
