based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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