Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
