hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
