I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
